Here are some jokes that (maybe) only a writer will find humorous:
Writing is 10% typing and 90% staring at your computer trying to find a better way to describe someone eating a piece of toast.
When I die and y’all go through my search history, you’ll be disappointed to find mostly just definitions for very common words that I wasn’t sure I was using correctly.
Me: *gets a story idea*
Me: *immediately begins planning detailed scenes from the 15th book in the series*
Being a writer is writing 3,000 words at 4 in the morning and not touching your work for a month.
Someone: What are you doing?
Me: Writing.
Someone: You’re just staring at the screen.
Me: Like I said, I’m writing.
Me, the MF with over 50 abandoned works in progress: I have another idea.
Me: How many words have I written? Is it a million? Is it two million?
Word counter: 409 words.
Me: LIES
The first rule of writing is we hoard notebooks.
The second rule of writing is we never write in our notebook hoard.
Me: I don’t need to write down that story idea. It’s so unique I’m never going to forget it.
Narrator: It was so unique she never remembered it.
Me: *finishing a fic that took forever to write* FUCK yeah!
Me: *reading over finished fic* fuck no
My professors: Everything in literature is intentional. Every word is carefully chosen. It all has meaning. The writers are very careful.
Me, an actual writer: *rereads something I just wrote* Did I … just accidentally reference Mythbusters?
Me: Terrible things keep happening to my characters. I don’t understand why.
Brain: Make it worse.
Me: But why?
Brain: you gotta.
Writing a novel when you imagine all your stories in film format is hard because there’s really no written equivalent of “lens flare” or “slow motion montage backed by Gregorian choir.”
